On Assertiveness, Resentment and Telling the Truth

There’s a quiet pattern I’ve noticed in myself — and in many professionals I’ve worked with:

We avoid saying what we want.

Not because we don’t know. But because we’re afraid.

Afraid of conflict. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of seeming difficult.

So we stay quiet.

And slowly, that silence turns into resentment.

Resentment Is Unspoken Truth

If something irritates you repeatedly, it’s rarely random.

It’s usually one of three things:

• You are not setting a boundary.
• You are not asking for what you need.
• You are allowing something that violates your values.

Instead of suppressing irritation, study it.

Write down what makes you angry.

Some of it will be immaturity. That’s part of growth.

But some of it will reveal something deeper: you are not being honest somewhere.

Clarity Before Courage

Before you can be assertive, you need clarity.

What do you actually want?

More time?
More autonomy?
Clearer expectations?
Recognition?
Help?

You cannot negotiate what you haven’t defined.

“Do Not Be Afraid”

One phrase that echoes here is from Saint John Paul II:

“Do not be afraid.”

Most people interpret that spiritually.

But it also applies professionally.

Do not be afraid to:

• Tell the truth calmly.
• Express what matters to you.
• Ask for what you need.
• Negotiate respectfully.

There is risk in speaking.

But there is also risk in silence.

And silence, over time, corrodes.

Start Small. Tell the Truth.

Assertiveness is not aggression.

It is controlled honesty.

It sounds like:

“This is important to me. Can we adjust this?”

Small requests build confidence. Clear communication builds trust.

And when truth replaces resentment, relationships improve — not weaken.

Practice Imperfectly

Allow yourself — and others — to practice badly.

If someone tries, even awkwardly, acknowledge it.

Growth compounds when effort is encouraged.

This is true in marriages. In friendships. In engineering teams.

Soft skills amplify technical skills.

And for engineers especially:

You can write perfect code and still fail in communication.

But if you combine competence with courage —

you become difficult to replace.

Do not be afraid.